Nice vs. Kind

Setting Boundaries with Compassion


By Robin Arnett - September 28, 2021

Don't confuse niceness with kindness. Boundaries are the key to healthy relationships, but it's common to fear that boundaries are "mean." When we fail to set boundaries, we do the "nice" thing instead of the kind one. You can be loving while holding your ground. 

Being Nice

Let's define "nice." Being nice means being polite, appearing pleasant, and going along with what others want. There is nothing inherently wrong with being nice, until it becomes inauthentic. Often, we are nice for the sake of avoiding confrontation and keeping up appearances. If being nice means shutting ourselves down, we are not being kind.

Being Kind

Kindness means approaching others with genuine care, compassion, and respect. Being kind requires honesty, empathy, and a connection to our common humanity. Kindness is an attitude and a way of being. Kind actions are the result of a kind approach to the world. And a kind approach to life includes kindness to ourselves. 

How to Be Kind

Kindness means -

  • Respect for self and others
  • Honoring your values
  • Genuine connection over pleasantness

Kindness requires mindfulness and self-knowledge. Integrity and courage are essential.

Being a Light

Kindess sparks a natural outflow of love. When we are unkind to ourselves, we fail to show up as our best selves in our relationships. Self-kindness helps us live with authenticity, respect, and openness.

Remember when you are setting boundaries that there is another option between nice and mean. Choosing kindness means choosing love. 

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